Shit Magnets...

Anyone who has ever spent any time in EMS will know exactly what I'm talking about. Sometimes they're referred to as a black cloud, but in NJ we always called em shit magnets. You get into an ambulance with them, and you get the feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach. You just KNOW that you're going to be stuck on run, after run, after run.

Maybe you should have packed a lunch?!?!?! (We gave one of the local firefighters a packed lunch after he took 1 run with one of our EMTs. I think it was like 6 runs later (after passing the firehouse multiple times with the guys waving and laughing at him) that he finally managed to get out of the ambulance. (And marathon runs like that will take it out of you in the worst way.)

Anyway, a couple of years into my career as a volunteer EMT in northern NJ, we're covering the local fair. It's evening (we were cooking hamburgers and hotdogs for dinner [fair food is good, but gets expensive when you live at the place for more than a week.]) We just happened to overhear one of "our" fire departments doing a self-dispatch from the firehouse (apparently the dispatch tower was down?) for an MVA in our primary. The crew on duty that evening jumped in one of the ambulances and put themselves in service to the call. It wasn't long after they started responding that the updates started coming in from the scene.

"We're going to need another ambulance, multiple patients to be transported." Was radioed from the firefighters on scene to headquarters.

A second crew was hastily put together and put themselves in service to the accident scene.

Seconds later: "Dispatch, get me extrication for a door pop." (Our squad in the area was running rescue at the time [and they still should be...in my humble opinion]) We had a rescue guy at the fair with us, but I was as close as they could get for a second rescue guy (and I know just enough about rescue to get myself in trouble.) I got to ride shotgun to the job.

We pull up on scene and we're directed to the vehicle that has a door that needs-a-poppin. Only the door isn't jammed, and we managed to get it open with handtools only. Local fire chief and I bent that door so far back it was junk by the time we were done with it.

We end up using the rescue truck as a supply box, and putting our patient on a backboard. We load her into one of the ambulances on scene, and I get directed to maintain patient contact. OK, this I can do. Shortly, a second EMT with a second patient is put into the bus with me, and the Shit Magnet (mentioned in the first paragraph) gets behind the drivers seat.

We're the first crew to leave the accident scene, leaving the other patients in the more then capable hands of the other 2 ambulance crews on scene (we ended up with 4 vehicles on location). On the way to the ER, patients are stable, no major complaints (as far as I remember anyway). We're coming down the hill into the town were the ER is located, I've called ahead and given a report, when one of the dispatchers gets on the radio and tells SM to "go home." (this was a fairly regular occurance for us...). I don't remember the rest of the conversation, but I did chime in by sticking my head through into the cab of the bus and saying. "SM, I love you to death, but if I get stuck in this damned ambulance with you for the rest of the night, I'm gonna be pissed!"

We finish the transport, and manage to restock our ambulance that had been stripped of backboards and other important equipment. We manage to leave the ER will a fully equipped truck, so we're ready to go on the next job. We head back to the fair, stopping off at Dunkin Donuts on the way.

We turn ONTO the access road for the fairgrounds, and SM turns to me (I'm still in the back) and says, "See, we made it back, no problem."

Immediately, as if God is laughing at us:

"Dispatch from [the fair], start us a CAD, we have reports of CPR in progress on the fairgrounds.

I groan, look at SM in the mirror and say "GREAT, thanks, love you too. Oh well, ask 'em where we need to take this bad boy."

Ended up treating the CPR, and saving his life. Awesome feelings got better a year later, when the patient walked into the first aid station to THANK us for saving his life. He was back to dance the next year!

That was an awesome feeling!

EMS Article

AD puts up an awesome article over at EMS1.com. Well worth your time and effort. Check it out.

(H/T Lauren)

Just Wow...

Curiosity of SayUncle, we get this priceless gem.

I'm sorry, but... WOW..

That's all I can say.

Those guys need some more fun time with an AR-15 or an M4.

Guns for Liberals

Sent to me from a friend via email.

Dog CPR

Thanks to Ambulance Driver.

Homes for the Homeless

Stolen from Common Folks Using Common Sense

(as told to me by “USMC - Retired” of Leesburg, Georgia):

I’m reminded of the time little Catherine, the daughter of some friends, told me she wanted to be President one day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there with us - and I asked Catherine - ‘If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?’

Catherine replied - ‘I would give houses to all the homeless people.’

‘Wow - what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine.’ I told her, ‘You don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in the back yard and I will pay you $5 dollars. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 dollars to use for a new house.’

Catherine (who was about 6) thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me seething, and Catherine replied, ‘Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can pay him the $5 dollars?’

I said ‘Welcome to the Republican Party, Catherine.’

We haven’t seen them since then.

Friday Funny

Stolen from: Rustmeister

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless I inquired, "An ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again?"

Eric grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T..

Parrots!

Stolen from the internet!

A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?' "
"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"

Too true... Funny Ambulance Cartoon

Stolen from Cheating Death.

This was just too funny!